Finally happened. Phone rang. Caller asked to speak to Lila.
“You want to speak to Lila? Who is this?”
“Lila may be eligible…”
“I suspect she’s quite ineligible for most offerings that come in by telephone.”
“Excuse me. Is this Lila Bea’s residence?”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
“Then, may I speak to her, please?”
“Well, you can speak to her, but I’m afraid she’ll understand very little of what you might say to her.”
“Sir, I speak several languages.”
“Good. Do you speak Dawg?
“Dawg. Lila Bea is a dawg. She’ll understand a few simple commands: sit, lie down, shake hands, and responds rather well when asked if she’d care for a biscuit, or an ice cube. But if…”
I looked around. Lila Bea was grooming herself, completely unaware how close she came to getting a discounted Caribbean cruise; a lower interest rate on her credit card balance, or being allowed to express her opinion of all the members of her breed that are currently seeking to hold public office. As the day progressed, Sir Benson Zipper Dee Doo Dah received not a single email, text, or telephone call. By the way he ignores me while running wildly up the street whenever he gets loose, I suspect he’s on the “no call” list.