Sometimes a wonderfully aromatic cheese will go on sale at a deli or grocery store because it isn’t selling. It may be an oddball brand, or just a product not called for in your market area. I found such an item recently. One of the features of the soft product was the presence of penicillium roqueforti mold as in gorgonzola, stilton, or blue brie cheeses, and wrapped in such a way that your nose could find it long before your eyes could get close enough to read the label.
The expiration dates on the packages were only minutes away, which had contributed to cause the pungency rate to approach a 9.7 on the Richter scale. In hopes of selling it instead of having to throw it out, the store had marked it down twice. Finally, it was selling for about 25% of its original price, thus bringing it into the range of what I call a budget.
I thought to myself: “I’ll bet this stuff stinks really good,” and I was right.
So, I bought two packages, and went home with the windows of the car rolled down. When I got home from the store, I let it age in the dairy case of our refrigerator for about 37 minutes. When I reopened the frig, I noticed that a head of lettuce had wilted, and a bowl of left-over marinara sauce had committed suicide. I then prepared a small hors d’oeuvres tray with crackers, and put a generous slab of this powerful cheese on each one, and announced:
“Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Who wants some stinky cheese on crackers?”
My wife gave me a funny look, and said:
“Stinky cheese? No, I don’t think so.”
Realizing a bit of the brilliance in my calling it “stinky”, it looked like I’d have all of it to myself. So for those who didn’t follow the story very well, here’s the recipe you should use in order to minimize how much of it you will have to share:
* Buy some stinky cheese, and a box of crackers (if you don’t already have a box at home).
* Put slices of stinky cheese on the crackers.
* Announce to your guests: “Who’d like some stinky cheese on crackers?”
* Most people will refuse. But if they do not do so quickly enough, ask them if they remember ever forgetting to take their sweaty gym clothes home from school to be washed. Then hold out the tray of appetizers, and say: “Stinky cheese?” This should suffice for arranging that almost all of those delicious crackers with stinky cheese on them will be left just for you. If you’re really smart, you should also call out to your guests asking:
* “Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Anyone care for a glass of spoiled fruit juice?”
After all, the grapes have to ferment if there’s to be wine, right? By now, some of your guests will be leaving, and your precious supply of these gourmet delights will be safe, or reasonably so. I put a small bit of it out to see if the puppies would like it. Instead of eating it, they just rolled in it.