I have been requested to ask that you refrain from using cellular phones while reading this, as eight or nine other folks might be trying to read it at the same time. The noise level could be distracting to the others causing them to miss some of the brilliant subtleties that are the building blocks of the segue system. This cautionary also covers twitters, tweeters, woofers, horns, and loud gastronomic-intestinal disturbances.
If the segue system fails, folks could fall off the page and spill their drinks! Which leads us to some other important issues: no smoking unless you brought enough to share with everybody! If you are the liturgist for next Sunday, your text will not be found here.
Good posture is recommended while reading this. Sit up straight, and try to breathe normally between snickers and guffaws. As an example to others, do not hug the screen and yell obscenities every time you agree with something posted here: the others might think you are talking to them.
Do not read any of this while driving; operating heavy equipment or scuba diving. It is acceptable to ask your bartender or other clergy if they’ve read this, but not during happy hour as they are busy with the sacraments.
Those of you that have a blue tooth should consider switching to peach or vanilla flavored yogurt.
I cannot be held responsible for any bad luck you might experience for not forwarding this to everyone on your mailing list. Besides, it is customary on the internet–everybody asks that you do it. Also you should remind them to do the same with their list of contacts because some of them may be superstitious, too.
Always have a couple of sharpened number two pencils and a crayon handy in case you feel the urge to draw conclusions. Do not use thumb tacks when attempting to attach comments unless your monitor screen is made of cork.
Disclaimer: Hear ye, hear ye one and all: AHEM! HARRUMMPH! So sayeth all upon whom is the charge of this sort of thing. Nyah, nyah nyah nyah nyah, and so on and so forth (chortle, chortle, cough, spit…). So there! Hah!