Sunday, the puppies had just finished reading a magazine. It came in the mail from the American Legion. I hadn’t read it yet, and now I won’t because it’s in more than a thousand pieces. Lila Bea had a piece of it hanging from her mouth like a cigarette when I walked into the kitchen. She looked at me as if to say:
FUBAR! They did such a good job destroying it that we just might sell our paper shredder at the next yard sale.
Maybe they disagreed with some editorial content, or took issue (no pun intended) with a reference to “dog face” but I really can’t imagine what it would’ve been. They are much too young to have formed any opinions about our military, and show no real interest in tradition whatsoever. But then, dawgs are pretty rough on reading materials in general, so it’s probably not likely to be content related…maybe.
But it isn’t just paper stuff that they would annihilate: they chew up practically everything they can reach. A tennis ball is no good to them until they take its jacket off. The pan that catches the ashes under my Weber grill has teeth marks in it. I have an anvil in my garage. If I put the puppies near it I’m sure they’d reduce it to iron filings.
Monday they brought enough twigs and limbs onto the patio to build a bonfire. There was enough debris to fill two bushel baskets. They eat wood even when there is food in their dishes. The local termites are angry and have reported them to the union.
Today is Tuesday. I drink on Tuesdays. I went out to the patio with a cigar and an appropriate beverage. I heard a noise. Sir Benson Zipper De Doo Dah had been eating the fargen tire to my fargen wheelbarrow and it was about then that he let all the air out of it. Well, I thought I’d blown the seams out of my boxers.
There is no end to this wanton destruction. Puppies are soooo cute. Gobblessamerka!