Limited Old Testament Medical Glossary

Genesis: A disorder of the reproductive system that seems to have been going badly from the beginning.

Exodus: An explanation of the direction of traffic flow used to convince the doctor that a colonoscopy is a bad idea.

Leviticus: A Latin term describing a weight condition resulting in blue jeans so tight you could cuss.

Numbers: Euphemisms for certain bodily functions.

Deuteronomy: An emergency procedure to remove compacted stool from the cerebellum caused by watching C-Span.

Joshua: The nauseating effects of drinking and riding a roller coaster at the same time.

Proverbs: The correct grammatical term for action words that can produce good results.  (Ex: “exercise”)

Lamentations: Clinical term for the regret of a pathetically weak excuse offered for a lame intention or the primary cause of a hangover.

Ecclesiastes: A euphoric condition resulting from knowing the lumps in those particular organs are benign.

Nehemiah: Deteriorating cartilage below the femur.

Obadiah: An expletive often heard whenever an intern pokes at an abscessed appendix, or ingrown toenail.

Habakkuk: A combined dependency on drinking, smoking and throwing up.

More (but not necessarily better) are available by subscription.

Subscription: Notation made by the doctor at the bottom of a pharmaceutical directive.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Marlene Humberd on February 2, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Had a problem with my Nehemiah. Obadiah! Obadiah! Doctor fixed my Nehemiah . Hallelujah ! Hallelujah!

    Reply

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