Genesis: A disorder of the reproductive system that seems to have been going badly from the beginning.
Exodus: An explanation of the direction of traffic flow used to convince the doctor that a colonoscopy is a bad idea.
Leviticus: A Latin term describing a weight condition resulting in blue jeans so tight you could cuss.
Numbers: Euphemisms for certain bodily functions.
Deuteronomy: An emergency procedure to remove compacted stool from the cerebellum caused by watching C-Span.
Joshua: The nauseating effects of drinking and riding a roller coaster at the same time.
Proverbs: The correct grammatical term for action words that can produce good results. (Ex: “exercise”)
Lamentations: Clinical term for the regret of a pathetically weak excuse offered for a lame intention or the primary cause of a hangover.
Ecclesiastes: A euphoric condition resulting from knowing the lumps in those particular organs are benign.
Nehemiah: Deteriorating cartilage below the femur.
Obadiah: An expletive often heard whenever an intern pokes at an abscessed appendix, or ingrown toenail.
Habakkuk: A combined dependency on drinking, smoking and throwing up.
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